2. How Do You Soothe Yourself When You are Upset...

FYI - this is post 2 in my effort to complete 300 Writing Prompts as part of my New Year's resolution.

As soon as I landed on this, I had to smile!  Obviously, there are different situations and different solutions for everything, but I immediately went to my go-to comforts - crazy, manic cleaning and "wringing my feet".

I tend to be a nurturer, a bit of a pleaser, a glass-half-full and a "I choose happiness" kind of girl.  So, even when there is an opportunity to fight - I pass.  I will fight for others, for what I believe in, for my family and to protect myself if pushed.  But the everyday small stuff...thoughtless words, selfish drivers, people who think the rules don't apply to them (a full cart in the express line, speeding up the "lane closed ahead" lane to cut in front of the people who did it the fair way, parents who buy privileges for their kids and the educators/coaches/bosses who allow it...you know who you are!) I just don't see the point in upsetting myself for something I have little or no control over.

That's not to say on certain days when I'm tired or stressed or hungry or emotional that I don't get upset.

So, the other day when one of my kiddos chose to be really unkind to me for some trivial reason I was full-on angry and hurt.  Nothing hurts me as deeply as one of my children choosing a behavior that is hurtful or selfish or outright mean...Even though I know I am their safe place and if they have those emotions or are feeling unheard or frustrated or hurt, I am the easy one to unleash on...I will always forgive them and love them and dig deep to understand them.  Especially now that they are older and I am rarely allowed to help or "fix it" anymore.  Anyway, they left and I went into full crazy mom cleaning.

It usually starts with a pair of dirty socks on the floor or a dish or cup left by the couch - or worse - right by the sink, unrinsed and not put into the dishwasher, less than a foot away....arrrrggggghhhh!

And for 15-20 minutes I am a crazy woman!  It begins with a mass scooping of all things that don't belong - the socks on the floor, the dishes, pencils, her stethoscope, his sneakers, papers and more papers, the evil tags and those plastic tag holders from new clothes and folded laundry...oh my gosh! We fold their laundry and put it in piles for them to carry up and put away...it's already in piles.  But it sits there...taunting me....  Anyway, it all goes on the stairs - right in the middle so you can't possibly walk up without picking something up and (in my mind) taking it upstairs.  Then I am inspired to dust and maybe run the Shark.  I usually find the dishwasher either full of clean dishes that they pretend they don't see so they don't ever have to empty it or full of dirty dishes that they pretend they didn't know about so they don't have to put the soap in and start it.  Either way, I have a project that I probably shouldn't have to complete...it can't always be "my turn".  But it feels so good to get it done.  There is something extremely calming to finally sit down in a clean, tidy house.  Now, if I'm really upset (or it's my day off) this cleaning almost always extends to the downstairs powder room.  Floors, rugs, towels, sinks, potty, mirrors...very satisfying!

In the end - I am still disappointed with the behavior or situation, but I am so happy with my surroundings and myself that I always feel better.  I have that joy you get when you cross the less pleasant things off your 'list' - even though I didn't actually HAVE a list.  It's a joy and a satisfaction that always cheers me up.  No idea if it will work for you, but man, it's a win for me almost every time!  Oooh!  One more thing - music is a must!  Right now I am all about the Amazon Prime Music Florida Georgia Line station!  But the 70's station, Kacey Musgraves, James Taylor stations all work.

My other "soother" has been my soother for as long as I can remember.  I wring my feet.  You know, like when someone wrings their hands, kind of rubbing them together almost like you're washing your hands over and over...but without the soap and water?!  And with your feet!!!

I have to be in socks or bare feet and I prefer to be laying down under a blanket or the warm covers of my bed and I 'wring my feet'.  Some evenings, I go to sleep feeling a bit down.  Days are long.  Life is not as 'easy' as I had planned.  Money can be tight.  And, as the nurturer in my home, sometimes I go without feeling nurtured for longer periods than I would love.  I used to be cherished.  My daddy cherished me until the day he died.  I have constantly proven myself very self-sufficient, independent and 'tough' and probably given the false impression that I don't need to be cherished or taken care of.  Probably somewhat true - but that doesn't change the fact that I WANT to be cherished and taken care of.  Don't get me wrong...my sweet husband provides, is someone I admire, makes me laugh til I can't speak, shares most of my best memories, is my ultimate partner in crime, child raisin' (he is probably the best dad on the planet!), and life.  But sometimes want him to fill my car up with gas, or go check my tires when I mention the light came on, or rub my feet, or take care of me the way I take care of everyone else.  And my children are at points in their lives when they are figuring things out.  I have been through and seen more than many and I have a LOT of opinions on how to do better than I did.  But they aren't listening, just like I didn't listen.

So, some nights or evenings when it's just me - I find my mind racing when I lay down and try to relax.  And I "wring my feet".  I calms me.  When I realize that I'm doing it, it makes me smile.  I can still remember my first bedroom on Brice Avenue because of it - mom and daddy had some late evenings when he was really active in the Jaycees and I would "wring my feet" to put myself to sleep when I was home with a sitter.  I remember when I was going through one of the worst points in my life due to an abusive relationship that I just couldn't tell anyone about because I was afraid they wouldn't believe me or support me or would accuse me of whining...it helped me keep my sanity.  It's been at least 50 years of feet wringing and I am guessing if my fate is that of my mom's and Alzheimer's ultimately takes my life, I will go into the light in socks pulled all the way up wringing my feet, sending love to my family and heading into heaven looking for Mom and Daddy.

#300writingprompts #newyearsresolution #playingwithwords #wordtherapy

What do the clothes you are wearing right now say about you...

Heck of a first prompt....

I enjoy clothes...I don't LOVE clothes, but I enjoy them.  I especially enjoy clothes for easy days.  Yoga pants, leggings, comfy jeans and oversized sweatshirts or sweaters or cardigans.  Boots, sneakers, Chucks and these delightful Bjorn sandals I scored last summer on clearance that are like sandal hugs for my feet!

I have a classic had-two-kids-after-35, hereditary apple shaped, love-to-swim-but-can-easily-avoid-all-other-exercise kind of body.  Ooooh...and I adore food.  That never helps create a sleek physique!  So, maybe that's why I don't LOVE clothes.

I do have a pretty good relationship with my body.  I cleaned up my diet, left a toxic work environment,

(I need to interrupt this writing because the world stops for Chris Janson's Buy Me a Boat!  I find joy and happy feet and all kinds of humor in this song...………)

Okay, sorry about that!  Anyway - me and my body are doing fine - I'm 75 pounds lighter than I was 3 years ago, I have a few scars and 3 tiny tattoos from my SUCCESSFUL cancer treatment that I celebrate every morning and the nights when I'm not too tired to change into jammies.  But there are styles I just can't pull off.  That little bit of reality keeps my relationship with fashion more of the "good friends" version than the "head-over-heels-in-love" version that I enjoyed back in the day!

So, today - Valentine's Day - I felt compelled to wear red.  I have a couple of red options - because red is good on me!  But, for the first time in about 13 days, I am taking a day off!!!!  I also have the kind of list of things to accomplish that one has when they haven't had an entire day off in a while...which means going out in public!  I was also supposed to meet a friend for coffee this morning, but she woke up to a sick child and that was the end of that.  I tell you all of this to explain how I decided on what to wear today.

I decided basic black Old Navy leggings would make me happiest on this "first day off in a long time"....so that was easy.

Oh yeah - it's 75 degrees out today...it's February and yesterday I needed a coat!  Texas weather!  And windy as all get out!

Thankfully, as I said - it's Valentine's Day, so I went right for the red shirt options.  Too warm for the sweater or Ohio State sweatshirt.  Too warm for the yummy corduroy jacket thingy that I love.  Too cool for the flowy boho Old Navy clearance find.  But, the suede jacket-shirt that I've owned for so many years that I outgrew it and then re-claimed it when I lost weight was the obvious choice.

Now, it took much longer to type that than it took to actually make the choice and put the shirt on.  There was the cami decision, but that was pretty split-second as well.  I decided on a white, extra long cami because white makes an outfit feel casual and lighter and the extra long is just a nice thing to do for the world as I venture out in leggings...my 57-year-old bottom is better left unseen!

I also went with mismatched Christmas socks over the leggings, under the boots because they  make me happy.  I would be fine with year-round Christmas...or at least every other month celebrations.  So, I keep the Christmas socks at the ready for those days when a little secret whimsy is just the ticket.  And, as mentioned - I went with boots.  I don't have to do any prolonged walking, it isn't raining and they are SOOOOOO comfortable. I am pretty sure they went out of style sometime last year, but I don't care.  And, because it's my day off - my favorite Kendra's.

Good heavens - what does what I'm wearing say about me?????

• I'm a bit of a rule follower (red on Valentine's Day)
• I'm a bit conservative or whatever it means to dress in what I feel suits my body type
• I choose joy whenever and wherever I can even if it is just Christmas socks and comfy, out of style boots
• I drank the Texas Kendra Scott Kool-Aid...and I love it!
• I am comfortable in my own skin because not once did I think about what's trendy or what might impress the world of folks I might see today
• I like to wear things that are bright when I'm not wearing black
• I fully understand what will happen if I choose incorrectly and have to spend an entire day in something that does not make me feel good about myself, so I choose deliberately
• I also don't really care what anyone else thinks about what I am wearing...I am pretty much only worried about how I feel in what I'm wearing.

None of that was really a revelation. But I can honestly say that I have never really sat down and analyzed what my clothes say about  me.  And I get dressed every single day!  

I am sitting at Starbucks right now and I am crazy aware of what everyone around me - sitting, coming in and out, walking by the window to the restaurant next door - is wearing.  What does it say about them?  How did they choose?  Do they have mismatched Christmas socks on?  Did I remember to look at the backside of me this morning...because I am almost positive this one lady did NOT!  There's a lot of easy comfort at Starbucks this morning.  A little fashion.  Several pairs of cute shoes.  And ear pods...which I just don't get...are everywhere!  

I will say that at first glance, almost everyone seems really comfortable with their choices.  They look like their clothes belong to them.  The exceptions, the folks that just don't look at ease in what they are wearing - too high heels, to tight tops, too short shorts - are obvious.  I guess there's a lesson there.  Find your style, the things that make you feel good, spend a bit to get quality (or be an awesome sale shopper like me!) and you get to worry less in your every day, every minute.  One less thing to worry about seems like a very good thing, now that I think about it.

#300writingprompts #newyearsresolution #playingwithwords #wordtherapy

300 Ideas

LAST Christmas...not the one that we celebrated roughly 2 months ago...the one before that!  My son got me a book called 300 Writing Prompts.  I'm not going to lie...I asked for this specifically.  I was missing writing.  I guess I got hooked when I was blogging almost daily about my journey with mom.  I enjoyed the process.  I enjoyed the results.  I felt heard (even when no one read the post!).  It was therapy.  And then mom passed away and I grieved and moved onto something else - a Paleo lifestyle.

Let me tell you something about blogging about food and cooking...it's NOT therapy.  It's work!  It requires organization, photography skills, a more linear style of cooking than I prescribe to...AND if you forget to take a picture of a step or if you are so hungry or excited or absentminded as to not get a pristine picture of the finished product...it's like it didn't even happen.  So, say the recipe ended up amazing, but there was no picture of a step or two or the finished product.  And say, like me, you tweak and flourish and add and forget to write things down (knowing absolutely that you will remember exactly what you did...)...well, you have to fake it or apologize or DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN!  I loved the cooking.  I loved the creating.  I loved 95% of the finished products.  And, I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED the sharing delicious recipes...because, let's be honest - there is not a lot of super easy, really flavorful, affordable ingredient, clean recipes out there.

Anyway, it just wasn't for me.

So, this year - mid-January, let's say - I decided to make a couple of resolutions.  Obviously, I'm going to lose 2000 pounds, work out daily, be more grateful, practice yoga, volunteer, join a book club, drink more wine, start a progressive dinner club and write a cookbook...obviously!

Back to reality...one of my resolutions was to write more.  And I thought my 300 Writing Prompts book was the perfect place to start.  Guess what?  I do NOT enjoy writing the old-fashioned way.  With pen and paper.  And certainly not in this tiny little book.  I need space.  I need a keyboard.  I need headphones and some random music and a coffee and both hands!  So, once again - I turn to the free Google Blogger platform - because I haven't quite won a million dollars or become less frugal or found a way to not want to spend all my money on my family.  And, I have no expectation that anyone will read this.  But it is time.  Time to get back to my favorite pastime that does not involved a beach and a beverage.  I'm going to tackle these 300 prompts right her.  And I'm going to finish them all by the end of the year...so I probably won't have time to lose 2000 pounds or start that dinner club or join that book club or write that cookbook.  I think I will drink the wine, work out a little more, practice yoga and volunteer.  I am already more grateful than I've been in a long time.  (I have to make myself do it, but it has been a satisfying, life-enriching experience!)

So, if you happen by this sight and wonder why it has no theme or real purpose and isn't really teaching you anything and there isn't a recipe in sight (unless I decide to post one!)… it's just me writing.  It's just me getting my therapy on.  It's just me doing something I want to do and actually making time to do it!

Wish me luck!

My rules are going to be - I will not be going in order of the prompts in the book and I will not allow myself to search out prompts that I feel like writing about on any particular day...I'm just going to open the book and whatever the Universe presents to me - I will honor it and write.  I am guessing some will be way too long and some may be ridiculously short...but those will probably be the minority since I am a life-long rambler! If you are interested - I found the book at Target (that seems like a good sign to me...since Target is also therapy!)

FYI...maybe too much I...time for a Break

As some of you know, a couple weeks ago I had the wonderful adventure of changing up some of my medications and my body was not quite down with the changes.  Lightheaded-ness, weird out-of-the-blue fatigue and some serious random weeping.  It made it impossible for me to cook last weekend and sadly, this weekend.

I love my work.  I love cooking for people.  I love hearing your stories and being with you on your journeys and I adore it when you love something I've made.  I like the shopping, the chopping, the recipe testing, the visits to the farmers markets and the specialty stores and my Saturday trip to Trader Joe's.  I love my routine on Sunday morning chop and prep days and the dance parties that happen most cooking Mondays when it's just me and Apple music in the house!

But what I have discovered about working for yourself and having your stamp all over every single thing that you do is that it's high pressure and high stress and there is no one else to help out or take over or share the responsibility.  Add to that my personality - perfectionist and "everything is awesome" kind of girl - and you have a big giant headache waiting to happen.  And guilt.  When I don't feel well enough to cook or have an event that makes it sometimes more than I can physically handle, but still know I have to get it done.

My experience with breast cancer was probably very similar to thousands of others going through cancer.  The fear, the resentment, the sadness, the worry, the brave-face syndrome and then the fight.  The surgeries and chemo and radiation and then the waiting....

The difference for me was I had already decided I was no longer willing to make my entire life about work.  After leaving a high-stress career to care for my mom in our home for 2 years as Alzheimer's took her slowly and painfully from us, I just didn't have the drive to go back into the "regular world" work force.  (You can add to that the fact that I am a woman "of a certain age" without a college degree who had her kids really late in life, making me also the mother of high schoolers who needed a LOT of mom...)  I tried a couple of things and then I found Paleo.  It gave me back my youth.  It took the pain from my joints, it allowed me to sleep like a baby, my headaches disappeared, I had energy all day - no mid-afternoon slumps!, I could wear 'regular size' clothing again (I lost over 80 pounds!) and I was finally free from my addiction to food.  It changed my life - just before cancer changed it again!

Anyway, that is how Wildflower Kitchen was born.

Initially, I wanted to cook for families or individuals in their homes.  Spend a day meal prepping so they could enjoy all the wonderful benefits of Paleo just like I had.  I got very few takers.  I thought maybe I could teach Paleo classes in homes...that was a bit more successful, but certainly not enough to justify not going back into the work force.  I tried some online 'challenges' - lots of CleanLeanMean15's that helped build my client list a bit.  And then a dear friend asked if I could just prepare meals for her and her daughter for the week....

Sure!  I could do that!  I had already developed a bunch of recipes that my family was enjoying, I would love to share those and see what others thought of my cooking.  (I've been a crazy foodie for YEARS and some would say, fearless in the kitchen.  A little fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants when it comes to ingredients...what looks good always tastes good, so that's how I roll!)

After a couple of weeks of cooking for her, I decided why not post a menu and see if I could get any takers.  The rest is history!

It also changed my ultimate goal...I wanted a restaurant.  With a gluten, dairy, soy free kitchen.  And a teaching area.  And a teeny tiny seating area.  And an herb garden.  And a drive through window.  With an ever-changing menu (except chicken salad and turkey burgers and some kind of chili that would be a must for every day!).  But talk about risk!

I looked at properties, wrote a business plan..all the grown up stuff!  But with a son getting ready to head to college and a daughter who is involved in everything - I just didn't think the time was right.

Besides, I loved what I was doing...I still do.

But I am going to be taking some time off.

Yesterday, I went to a celebration of the life of my very first Texas friend.  Someone I'm pretty sure I've know through a dozen lifetimes or so.  A giant personality.  The biggest heart.  The most creative brain.  Strong, kind, hysterically funny, the best kind of smart ass, great mom, artist, wonderful friend and connector, servant leader, a comfort in a crisis...she is the person who came with me to my first oncology appointment.

See, she'd already been through it.  She took notes for me, coached me on what to ask and helped me understand what I was hearing.  She did her research and found me the best doctor to get me started.  She listened (a LOT) in those weeks of diagnosis and surgeries.  She sent me notes and random texts to cheer me up.  She designed 2 t-shirts to help me raise money for the mountain of medical bills.  She hosted a party to distribute those t-shirts where I had a chance to say thank you and drink some hard cider and eat some cake and wear my headscarf proudly.

We talked and toasted the completion of my treatment.  We encouraged each other as we struggled sometimes to make the healthiest choices for our particular situations.

And then she called me with the news.  The "maybe" news that she already knew was true.

Cancer was back and it wasn't playing around.  There were lots of visits and texts and pictures - different for me because of our shared cancer.  4 months ago during one of our visits on her wrap around porch, sitting under the watchful eye of Beyonce, the giant metal chicken - she said goodbye.

She wasn't near death, but she knew she was dying.  And she feared she would not be one to linger.  She thought she might fall or get pneumonia - something that would be sudden and quick and leave her no time to say proper goodbyes.  As it turns out - God had another plan.  He let us keep her for much longer than we thought ...she lingered.  But she got those goodbyes out of the way early - so there would be no doubt how she felt about us.  What she wanted for us.  Gave her  a chance to comfort us as we mourned her decline.

For me - the goodbye was about "The Golden Years".  The years between when you get cancer and beat it and then get cancer again and it beats you.  No guarantees that it will happen, but Indi is my 3rd peer who has had Golden Years.  Three wonderful women who got cancer, beat it and then the damn stuff came back with a vengeance and beat the shit out of them.  Three women far too young and strong and wonderful to not still be on this Earth.

The Golden Years have been in the back of my mind since our talk - encouraging me to stop and find joy in the ordinary, say the kind thing when I have a chance, tell people how I feel about them, not get angry when that might be my first instinct.  The Golden Years were one of the reasons to keep cooking and not get a "regular job" even though some days it made more sense to have a "regular job".  I love to cook.  The kitchen is my happy place.  Indi's words were also the reason I stopped in my pursuit of a restaurant.  Stories of others who had taken that leap and gotten eaten alive by the less joyful parts of owning a brick and mortar business!  (Don't get me wrong - I still drive by locations and dream about the Wildflower Kitchen I would create...)

Tuesday was Indi's funeral.  It said Celebration of Life on the program and yes, we celebrated her and the hundreds of people at the church knew how blessed we were that she was a part of our lives.  But it was the final thing.  The thing that nearly took me down when my Daddy died.  Nothing left to plan.  Nothing to take your mind off how much you want to talk to and see your friend.  The last time I saw Indi - we barely spoke.  We sat with our heads together and held hands.  But she was there.  And when I got up to leave - because it was too selfish to stay as long as I wanted - she wore herself out taking care of all the people who wanted to see her and be with her and have just a few more minutes with her... I honestly thought I'd see her again.  It wasn't in the cards.  I had a day and she was going to Austin with her family, then I got a nasty cold and that just wouldn't be right and then I got hammered with this new medication mix.

My point in all this rambling - it's time to take care of me again.  I have allowed stress back in my life.  My blood pressure is up a little, I am tired more than I'm comfortable with.  I have missed some of the little things that make my life special - writing, seeing friends for lunch or coffee, painting, puttering in the yard, swimming, reading and, believe it or not - cooking!  I have also had immeasurable joy - made new friendships (I get borderline giddy on delivery day, I love my clients so much!), spent justifiable time in many farmer's markets and Trader Joe's and Central Market and Sprout's, made my own schedule as it allowed, lived my life in sneakers and super-comfy 'yoga' pants, had a full day of taste testing foods I love and then a fridge full of meals for my family as a bonus of nearly every cooking day!, and got to live a t-shirt slogan - "do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life!".

But I need to break.  To mourn my friend.  To love my family.  To love myself.  To get in a pool, dig in the dirt, join a book club (anybody want to start one I can come to???), hit the farmer's markets at a leisurely pace with just one tote bag :-), drink 2 cups of coffee, sleep in on Sundays, cook new things, bake a little Paleo (even though I'm really not a baker...I am a baked goods eater, so I do it!), read the stack of Paleo Magazines I've ignored for the past 4 months, take some yoga, lower my blood pressure and take on a couple of giant home improvement projects in my kitchen...oh my gosh...I just typed that...now I really have to do it!!!!

I have loved being a part of your lives and your lunches and dinners and snacks.  I am proud of what I accomplished and I am not ruling out some kind of comeback in the fall...if you'll have me!  Next week I am going to start trying to make my recipes in single family form so I can post them for anyone who might want to make something they used to order...I won't promise...I really stink at the writing things down thing!

Sorry for the long post.  Sorry for the long time it took to finish - I needed to be sure and I needed to take a few breaks for tears...  Thank you for your support of me and Wildflower Kitchen, for all your kind words and texts and notes.  For investing in my family and my passion.

You are appreciated more than you will ever know!

A Girl Needs a Biscuit Every Once in a While!

I was raised by Southerners.  Hillbillies, my daddy would say.  West Virginia hillbillies.  I never thought of that as anything but wonderful, so please understand that I am not trying to offend anyone with  that word that meant "coolest people in the world" to me!  My aunts and uncles from WV were SO MUCH FUN!  Completely different from anything I lived day-to-day.  We got muddy, we fished, we rode in vehicles that were rickety and "open air" and went off-road.  We fed things in the morning and at dusk.  We laughed loudly, they adored my Daddy (as I did), the told stories of poverty and struggle that were filled with love and pride in survival and family.  And the names!  Good heavens - the names!  Opal and Alma. Macel and Violet.  Clebert...my favorite!  And they called my Daddy "June" (for junior, I later learned).

And they ate giant plates of crazy-good breakfast!  Aunt Violet always had  biscuits.  She could make me get up and trudge around barn-like-things and fields and do chores early, early for the promise of one of those biscuits...with lots of butter and jam.

Thankfully, my Mom was quick to lose her domestic tendencies and pretty much all desire to cook, so those biscuits remained a treat worth trudging for when we went to visit.

And my entire life - when given the choice 'biscuits or toast' - there was no hesitation.  Biscuits, of course.  And yes, I rolled my eyes at all of you ordering whole-wheat toast!!!

But now, I don't eat biscuits - because they are not my body's friend.  My sinuses fill up and a headache ensues and I bloat up and my knees ache.  So, as much as I love biscuits - it's just not worth it!

BUT...a semi-Southern girl needs a biscuit every once in a while!

I have a recipe or two that I like - Paleo Biscuits made with almond flour and  honey for a touch of sweetness.  But today is Day 23 of my Squeaky Clean January.  No honey.  But my head and my heart are craving a biscuit...specifically a biscuit topped with Paleo bacon and a couple of perfectly poached eggs.

So, I decided to try one of the simpler Paleo Biscuit recipes in my binder of recipes and substitute smashed garlic for the honey.  Savory  for sweet.  Not exactly the same texture, but it seemed close enough to sub Tablespoon for Tablespoon.

I am pleased to say - they were just what my brain and my heart needed/wanted/craved!

Now, although I cook regularly for others - I will not bake for you.  I adore cooking.  Give me a saute pan or dutch oven or a grill or even a slow cooker and I am in my happy place.  Not a measuring tool in sight other than the palm of my  hand or my eyes.  Give me a recipe for a baked thing and a muffin tin or a sheet pan or any number of cake pans...and then the measuring cups and  spoons and the knife to level off those spoons and cups...AARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH!  Nope, baking is just not my thing!

Sadly, there are currently no bakeries that I am aware of that bake the things I can and want to eat.  There are plenty of pre-packaged, sugar- and preservative-laden "gluten free" things.  They are nearly all made with grains of some sort...not as treacherous to my body as gluten - but close.  And the few true Paleo pre-packaged items are out of my financial reach.  Especially when I have an oven, the access to the ingredients and the evil measuring cups and spoons!  :-)

So, I bake - occasionally.  For special occasions, for fun, to keep me (kind of) in practice and when I have to have a biscuit!

You can do this -  you absolutely can make these.  If you are new to clean eating - they will not taste exactly like the biscuits from your favorite  restaurant or even the ones from the can at the supermarket.  But, the texture is light, the bite is satisfying, the garlic makes these anything but bland and they ARE the perfect bed for bacon and eggs!

These are a tweak on a recipe from Living Loving Paleo.  I did exactly as she suggested, except for subbing the smashed garlic for the honey.  I used softened ghee instead of the palm shortening - because biscuits should taste buttery!  And I baked mine for the full 20 minutes - turning my baking sheet once during the baking because my oven needs a little help cooking evenly!

Here is the recipe:

Ingredients:

3/4 cup of almond flourr
1 T coconut flour
1/4 cup softened ghee
1/2 t sea salt
2 eggs (at room temp)
1 T smashed garlic
1/2 t baking soda
1 t raw apple cider vinegar

Preheat the oven to 350.
Place everything in a food processor, pulse until combined - you will need to scrape down the sides to ensure all the flour gets absorbed.

Drop the mixture onto a parchment-lined baking sheet (this mixture makes 6 biscuits).

Bake for 18-20 minutes or until the top is a golden brown.

Let cool for 5 minutes and enjoy!  Store extra biscuits in an airtight container in your fridge (let them cool COMPLETELY before placing them in the fridge!).

And if you can...poach a couple of eggs, fry up some paleo bacon (sugar-free, nitrate free) and sit down to one heck of a breakfast!

Spaghetti Squash Casserole

Day 18 of my Squeaky Clean January - back to total Paleo PLUS zero sugars or artificial sweeteners.  It's a big change from the total diet abandon of December!  I felt like crap, but it was kind of fun.  If someone baked it and frosted it - I ate it!

But now, 18 days in - I feel fantastic.  I am back to my fighting weight (sorry dreamers - never a super model - just a healthy, I-can-do-anything weight!)  Day 18 is a day when it pays to be a glass-half-full girl.  I truly am focused on all the things I can have.  All the things I am back to eating and enjoying and how good I feel mentally and physically.

However, I  am not alone in my clean eating. I have clients who are experiencing their first total clean eat.  I have a teenager, a college student, a husband and probably a few Facebook friends who are along for the ride and I don't even know about it.

So, my goal is to keep it interesting.  Tasty.  NOT sacrificial.  Yummy!

I browse around a lot of Whole30 and Paleo bloggers, Instagrammers and Podcasters.  I watch, read, save, pin...you know!  And I faithfully watch the Today show every morning.  Since birth, I think!  And the other day (for those of you who follow my Wildflower Kitchen Facebook Page,  you saw this already!) Katie Lee showed an "easier" way to cook spaghetti squash - which  I love, but hate to cut and roast!  Believe it or not, she was RIGHT! ... well, believe it or not, when I did it like she said to do it - it turned out for ME!

All you have to do is poke several holes with a sharp knife (so much easier/safer than slicing!) in your spaghetti squash (remember to choose the heaviest squash for its size at the market if you want the best results/yield when roasting), place it on a parchment-line baking sheet and roast for 1 hour 15 minutes at 450.  There's a super short video on my Facebook page showing just how easy it is to slice through the squash...I couldn't believe it!

This is brilliant!  I have good knives and strong hands, but I still struggled with slicing through spaghetti squash in the past - so much so, that I didn't make it very often.  This makes me very happy!

Once it's roasted, slice the squash in the middle (you can slice it lengthwise, but it will make the "spaghetti" strands shorter and take away the effect that you are eating pasta...in my opinion!  Scoop out the seeds (be careful - it's really soft at this point and you could end up scooping out some of the delicious squash), then use a fork to strand out the strands of squash.  If I'm not using it all right away,  I like to add a drizzle of avocado oil, a T of ghee, salt and pepper, mix really well and store in an airtight container.  Then I have it when I need a side dish (use it like you would any pasta),  to add to soups or for a casserole like this!  Meal prep rules!

Anyway, in my browsing of clean eating sites - I saw a riff on a tuna "noodle" casserole...which, thankfully, my mother did not make when I was growing up!  Which is why I had no urge to recreate it in Paleo form.  However, I did used to love making chicken and broccoli casseroles when I first started cooking.  They were loaded with cheese (I am getting a tummy ache just typing the word), cream and pasta noodles.  Can't do that no more!  But, with this new, brilliant way of roasting a spaghetti squash...well, the possibilities seemed promising.

So, this morning I got to work!  Now, I will tell you that I made my casserole with leftovers.  Because I always have them.  The recipe I am going to include is for a from-scratch casserole.  But understand that you can throw this baby together in 15 minutes or less (not including bake time) with stuff in your fridge or from the deli.

I kind of cleaned out my fridge this morning to make this Chicken Broccoli Casserole.  I had the aforementioned roasted spaghetti squash, probably 2 roasted and cubed chicken breasts, 4-6 ounces of steamed garlic broccoli, sauteed mushrooms and onions.  I made the sauce with basic paleo pantry items and together - deliciousness that is 100% clean eating.  If you are doing a Whole30 or other squeaky clean plan this month - this is for you.  Completely compliant!  (tonight I think I am going to try and create a version with leftover chicken Italian sausage, a jarred organic sugar free marinara and more of the cream sauce I made for this one...I'll let you know in the comments if it works out!)

I let everything come to room temp before I mixed it...so just pull it out of the fridge, have some coffee, do a load of laundry, walk the dog - whatever - but the coconut cream mixture will be at room temp and I think it's always best to combine things of like temperatures for the best results.  Or, I suppose you could pop everything in the microwave for 30 seconds.

Cube your ingredients into like-size bites, grease your casserole dish with coconut oil, add the squash, protein (in this case, roast chicken), cooked veggies (here I am using  sauteed onions and mushrooms and steamed garlic ghee broccoli) and stir to combine.

Preheat your oven to 350

Now it's time to mix up the 'cream' sauce.  I was winging it - but I know the flavors that I love and I remember the taste from my Chicken Broccoli Casseroles of the past that I was trying to recreate.

This is full-fat coconut cream, dijon mustard, smashed garlic, crushed red pepper flake, salt and pepper, freshly ground nutmeg and a splash of coconut aminos.  Weird combo on paper - delightful on your tongue!!!

Then you just spread it out over the top of the dish...

Bake for 10 minutes...

Stir, bake for another 15-20 minutes...

 And enjoy...

Here is the recipe if you don't have a fridge full of leftovers and want to make this casserole from scratch:

Chicken Broccoli Spaghetti Squash Casserole

Ingredients:

• 3 pounds boneless, skinless chicken breast
• 1 medium spaghetti squash
• 3 cups bite-sized broccoli florets
• 12 ounces sliced mushrooms
• 1 sweet onion, diced
• 1 can full-fat coconut cream
• 1 T dijon mustard
• pinch red pepper flake
• 6 cloves smashed garlic
• 1 1/2 T ghee
• 1 T coconut aminos
• pinch fresh grated nutmeg
• Kosher salt and cracked black pepper
• avocado or coconut oil

Preheat oven to 375

Place chicken breasts in a 9x13 casserole dish, coat with avocado (or melted coconut) oil and sprinkle with salt and pepper (you can add other spices if you like).  Roast chicken for 40 minutes or until a meat thermometer inserted into the thickest part of the chicken reads 175 degrees.  Remove from oven and cover loosely with foil and set aside to cool.

Turn oven up to 450

Pierce your spaghetti squash approximately 10-12 times with a sharp knife (be careful please), place on a parchment-lined baking sheet and roast for 1 hour and 15 minutes.  

While squash is baking, place your onions and mushrooms in a non-stick pan and saute on medium/medium low in 1 T avocado oil (sprinkle with salt about half-way through the cooking process).  You will get your best flavor and color if you saute slowly, stirring often, over the lower heat for a longer time - about 20-25 minutes.  Turn the heat up with 5 minutes cook time left to get really good char on your veggies.  Once the veggies are done, turn the heat off and set aside.

Your chicken breast should be cool enough to chop at this point.  Cube the chicken into 1" pieces, place into an air-tight container (don't forget to pour all the delightful cooking juices over the cubes for extra flavor!), place into the fridge for food safety.  You can add the mushrooms and onions to this same container to refrigerate.

Now, steam your broccoli - you can use a steamer, you can boil (please don't!), you can roast in the oven with the squash for approximately 20-30 minutes.  OR, you can do it my favorite way...place the broccoli florets into 1 or 2 of the old-fashioned fold over sandwich bags (not the zipper kind) with 1 t ghee and all the smashed garlic.  Microwave on high for 1 1/2 to 2 minutes until the broccoli is softened, but not mush.  Let it cool a bit before taking it out of the microwave - it gets REALLY hot!  Place the steamed broccoli into a dish with all the garlic and ghee from the bag, salt with Kosher salt and place into the fridge  to cool.

Your squash should be done by now.  Slice it into rings (it is effortless), scoop out the seeds and use a fork to pull the squash "noodles" out of the skin.  Place into a bowl, add 1 T ghee, Kosher salt and pepper and stir to coat.  Set aside.  Turn the oven down to 350.

To make the sauce, add the coconut cream (just the cream, not the coconut water in the bottom of the can), the coconut aminos, dijon mustard, crushed red pepper flake and nutmeg.  Stir until blended.  

Grease a 9 X 13 casserole dish with coconut or avocado oil.  

Combine the squash, chicken, broccoli, mushrooms and onions in the  casserole dish.  Spread the coconut cream sauce evenly over the top of the casserole.  Sprinkle with Kosher salt and freshly cracked black pepper.

Place casserole in the oven and roast for 10 minutes.  Stir all the ingredients, place back in the oven and roast for an additional 30 minutes.  Enjoy!

Serves 6 

Might As Well...Whole Healthiness

So, it's January...still.  Sometimes life gets so big and full that days feel like weeks.  That's my January.  My business is booming because so many people want to give clean eating a try and just don't have the time or inclination to cook complex meals.  But, OHHHHHH...isn't it nice when you are cleaning up your food act to have something delicious and rich and different and EASY to have for lunch (my big meal of the day) or dinner.  My son is home and I don't want to miss a moment with him, especially as a family, but we are now counting the days until he goes back to college...I am counting the hours (73 hours, 53 minutes).  I am also trying to navigate a Whole30 or SqueakyCleanJanuary for my family and for ME! and I am feeling the need to clean and organize my home and my car and my life! (as one does each and every new year!).  On top of that, I am still working my part time gig to keep those college books and drill team fees and the evil doctor, lab, oncology bills paid!

Anyway, I am busy!

And, in addition to getting back to real food and better planning when it comes to what we eat - I have made other resolutions.

To journal.

To move.

To be in the sunshine (or at least outdoors) every day.

To be intentionally kind when I'm driving. (yes, I am that person...I am sorry if I've ever screeched at you from inside my car...sigh...)

To practices moments of mindfulness.

That's where today's post comes in.

I saw something on tv the other day about mindfulness and simple ways to practice it without joining a meditation class or creating a separate room in your home or something extreme.  The journalist said she started by brewing a hot cup of tea every morning and sitting down in her favorite spot without other distractions (tv, smart phone, kids, etc) and just being in the moment with the tea as her focus.  The heat from the mug.  The smell.  The feeling of warmth in her throat.  The comforting experience of quiet and nourishment and solitude.  The realization of stopping for just a few minutes.

I can do this - with coffee, of course, but I can do this!

And yesterday morning as I was leaving to deliver my morning orders - it hit me!  It's the 9th of January and I've only  managed to 'experience' morning coffee mindfulness once so far this year. 

I've created a couple of barriers without even thinking about it - I have a travel mug that I love - it keeps my coffee at just the right temperature - but it is not warm in my hands...it stays cool!  It has a lid, so it's not as easy to inhale all that wonderful coffee aroma. 

Of course, there is also all the stuff that gets in the way of mindfulness (I know you all know exactly what I mean!, even if you aren't trying to practice mindfulness) - the check list that guides my days that brings me incredible joy  as I check things off!  The routine I have been following for years (and old habits ARE hard to break).  The dogs that demand their food and my attention because that is what they are used to.  And it's morning - I am at my  most productive in the morning...can I really stop to be mindful when I have all this energy and potential for accomplishment?

I CAN - but will I?  Even when I know there are all kinds of benefits waiting for me should I commit to practicing just a few minutes of mindfulness (or meditation or prayer) each day.

Positive Psychology Program lists these as the 5 most common benefits of mindfulness:

• Decreased stress
• Enhanced ability to deal with illness
• Facilitation of Recovery
• Decreased depressive symptoms
• Improved general health

I actually did quite a bit of reading on mindfulness when I was going through my breast cancer treatment and its impact of fighting the disease (of course I also know that whatever God designs is what will be - but I am my own warrior and believe in the power of doing all I can to help!)

So, today - even after I brewed my coffee into that travel mug I love so much! :) ...I poured it out into my  favorite giant ceramic mug, fed the dogs, turned off the tv, plugged my phone in across the room with the sound off and sat down in my favorite place and experienced my mug of really good, black coffee.  I kept a pencil and paper near me so if a thought I couldn't release came into my head (like writing this blog post and taking a photo) - I could jot it down & I can let it go - and get back to my coffee.  Silly as it sounds - it felt like such a luxury to sit and wrap myself in the pleasure of warm cup of coffee and quiet. 

I need to make this a habit.  Not a resolution - a habit that lasts far beyond 2018.  Time for myself, my health, my inner peace...even if it's just for 5 minutes a day!


There is a reason that in the world of real food and clean eating and health - it never stops with food and exercise.  There are always more and more layers to help us achieve our optimum life.  I think mindfulness is one of those layers I (and you) can achieve.