As soon as I landed on this, I had to smile! Obviously, there are different situations and different solutions for everything, but I immediately went to my go-to comforts - crazy, manic cleaning and "wringing my feet".
I tend to be a nurturer, a bit of a pleaser, a glass-half-full and a "I choose happiness" kind of girl. So, even when there is an opportunity to fight - I pass. I will fight for others, for what I believe in, for my family and to protect myself if pushed. But the everyday small stuff...thoughtless words, selfish drivers, people who think the rules don't apply to them (a full cart in the express line, speeding up the "lane closed ahead" lane to cut in front of the people who did it the fair way, parents who buy privileges for their kids and the educators/coaches/bosses who allow it...you know who you are!) I just don't see the point in upsetting myself for something I have little or no control over.
That's not to say on certain days when I'm tired or stressed or hungry or emotional that I don't get upset.
So, the other day when one of my kiddos chose to be really unkind to me for some trivial reason I was full-on angry and hurt. Nothing hurts me as deeply as one of my children choosing a behavior that is hurtful or selfish or outright mean...Even though I know I am their safe place and if they have those emotions or are feeling unheard or frustrated or hurt, I am the easy one to unleash on...I will always forgive them and love them and dig deep to understand them. Especially now that they are older and I am rarely allowed to help or "fix it" anymore. Anyway, they left and I went into full crazy mom cleaning.
It usually starts with a pair of dirty socks on the floor or a dish or cup left by the couch - or worse - right by the sink, unrinsed and not put into the dishwasher, less than a foot away....arrrrggggghhhh!
And for 15-20 minutes I am a crazy woman! It begins with a mass scooping of all things that don't belong - the socks on the floor, the dishes, pencils, her stethoscope, his sneakers, papers and more papers, the evil tags and those plastic tag holders from new clothes and folded laundry...oh my gosh! We fold their laundry and put it in piles for them to carry up and put away...it's already in piles. But it sits there...taunting me.... Anyway, it all goes on the stairs - right in the middle so you can't possibly walk up without picking something up and (in my mind) taking it upstairs. Then I am inspired to dust and maybe run the Shark. I usually find the dishwasher either full of clean dishes that they pretend they don't see so they don't ever have to empty it or full of dirty dishes that they pretend they didn't know about so they don't have to put the soap in and start it. Either way, I have a project that I probably shouldn't have to complete...it can't always be "my turn". But it feels so good to get it done. There is something extremely calming to finally sit down in a clean, tidy house. Now, if I'm really upset (or it's my day off) this cleaning almost always extends to the downstairs powder room. Floors, rugs, towels, sinks, potty, mirrors...very satisfying!
In the end - I am still disappointed with the behavior or situation, but I am so happy with my surroundings and myself that I always feel better. I have that joy you get when you cross the less pleasant things off your 'list' - even though I didn't actually HAVE a list. It's a joy and a satisfaction that always cheers me up. No idea if it will work for you, but man, it's a win for me almost every time! Oooh! One more thing - music is a must! Right now I am all about the Amazon Prime Music Florida Georgia Line station! But the 70's station, Kacey Musgraves, James Taylor stations all work.
I have to be in socks or bare feet and I prefer to be laying down under a blanket or the warm covers of my bed and I 'wring my feet'. Some evenings, I go to sleep feeling a bit down. Days are long. Life is not as 'easy' as I had planned. Money can be tight. And, as the nurturer in my home, sometimes I go without feeling nurtured for longer periods than I would love. I used to be cherished. My daddy cherished me until the day he died. I have constantly proven myself very self-sufficient, independent and 'tough' and probably given the false impression that I don't need to be cherished or taken care of. Probably somewhat true - but that doesn't change the fact that I WANT to be cherished and taken care of. Don't get me wrong...my sweet husband provides, is someone I admire, makes me laugh til I can't speak, shares most of my best memories, is my ultimate partner in crime, child raisin' (he is probably the best dad on the planet!), and life. But sometimes want him to fill my car up with gas, or go check my tires when I mention the light came on, or rub my feet, or take care of me the way I take care of everyone else. And my children are at points in their lives when they are figuring things out. I have been through and seen more than many and I have a LOT of opinions on how to do better than I did. But they aren't listening, just like I didn't listen.
So, some nights or evenings when it's just me - I find my mind racing when I lay down and try to relax. And I "wring my feet". I calms me. When I realize that I'm doing it, it makes me smile. I can still remember my first bedroom on Brice Avenue because of it - mom and daddy had some late evenings when he was really active in the Jaycees and I would "wring my feet" to put myself to sleep when I was home with a sitter. I remember when I was going through one of the worst points in my life due to an abusive relationship that I just couldn't tell anyone about because I was afraid they wouldn't believe me or support me or would accuse me of whining...it helped me keep my sanity. It's been at least 50 years of feet wringing and I am guessing if my fate is that of my mom's and Alzheimer's ultimately takes my life, I will go into the light in socks pulled all the way up wringing my feet, sending love to my family and heading into heaven looking for Mom and Daddy.
#300writingprompts #newyearsresolution #playingwithwords #wordtherapy
No comments:
Post a Comment